Your face is a jimmy john
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
