You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
