I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
