ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
