I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
