Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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