The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
