I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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