So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
