He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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