Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize