i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
