It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
