just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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