He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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