you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
