oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
