dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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