He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
