I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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