Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
