tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Randomize
