I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
