dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
