I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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