i jhust puked up my retainher.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
