The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
