As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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