i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So vagazzling was a success
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
