dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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