the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
