have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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