I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
