waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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