i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
