She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
