Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
