Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dating After Heartbreak
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.