they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
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Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers