guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I would fuck him just for his dog