My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
