It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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