I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
