My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
