well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
