We should be called the Road Head Warriors
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
