What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
