my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you would pick up someone in the library
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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