I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
