I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
