Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
