Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
