I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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