drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
