The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
