she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
