just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
