It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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