There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
