he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
