Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
