Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
