Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
