Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
