The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
