Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
