I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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